I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
