i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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