He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
