Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
