I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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