its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
