I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drunk is not a location!
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