Don't make out with my wife yet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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