help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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