I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
