dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize