So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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