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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Oh yeah.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

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• (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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• (716): View more from New York

  Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i think im in europe. pls send help

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• (716): View more from New York

  i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.

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