I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
