the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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