Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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