i need an iv and a liver transplant
You smell like stripper and shame
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
