So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
