I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
