Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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