i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pants are for mortals
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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