she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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