I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
