No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
