i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
