Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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