I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
