my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
