I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so explain again why im purple
no
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
