I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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