I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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