I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
