the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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