you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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