last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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