I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
