what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
