I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
