we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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