I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
