kristin has been a bad kristin
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
