you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She said her name was "party"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
