FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
