you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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