I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
