Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
