Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
