SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
