hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
