I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
