the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
