Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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