It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize