I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
