My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
