i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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