So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
honey bunches of taint.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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