i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
