6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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