but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
