U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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