quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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