Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
